We have constructed a list of Christmas elements which can be used to scientifically identify a crap Chirstmas.

Download FREE hi-res Christmas periodic table poster – click here.

Example if you were Angie Watts in the famous 1985 Eastenders Christmas episode you could scientifically represent it as:
JxGrr+2Ee = Bd+X/No1

Or if you were Dawn Tinsley in the finale of the exceptionally brilliant Christmas special of The Office (UK) your composition would look more like this:
2Sp-FsxEf=Ul

Disclaimer: We love Christmas and this list should in no way be taken as a criticism of those we have been fortunate enough to spend our festive periods with. It is everyone we've ever known (including ourselves) who have inspired this list, but dry those eyes. We know it's these irritations that make Christmas what it is and without a little bit (major heap) of crap, what would Christmas be?